Gay Marriage Debate

Excellent article here

One quote: "One of the goods of marriage is that it confers social recognition on a relationship which is dependent on the gendered 'other'. Thankfully, we live in an age and society which has done more than most to ensure that gender roles are fluid, that men and women are equally able to access jobs, careers and other social opportunities, as well as taking up domestic responsibilities. Yet we still recognise that men and women are in various ways different. The point about equality for men and women is not that the difference is irrelevant, but that both are equally valuable and necessary. We may struggle to identify all the dimensions of that difference, and disagree about their significance, but as many feminist writers have rightly recognised, 'gender-blindness' is not the answer. Gender-blindness runs the risk of entrenching norms and practices which typically favour men and are oppressive towards women. The fact of difference has to be acknowledged and valued if we are to secure equality. That is why we are right to worry about the small number of women MPs or CEOs.

"Marriage as currently defined is the central social institution which expresses the idea that men and women are equally valuable as men and women. It is only marriage which harnesses gender difference to the purposes of social cooperation. Almost all other ways in which difference is acknowledged - from sports teams to public lavatories - depend on segregation. Sexual union in marriage reinforces a comprehensive 'together-in-otherness' of male and female. Yet marriage is also open to a wide range of views on the practical outworking of this difference. It would be ironic if after having reformed the patriarchal consequences of marriage the institution itself should become gender-blind.

The grounding of interdependence in marriage has wider social consequences. It anchors our understanding that it is normal for all social institutions to rely on this mutual interdependence. The excessive individualism of modern Western society, as well as the collapse of participation in all forms of organised social action, has often been observed. Redefining marriage to be indifferent to sexual identity reinforces this individualistic tendency because it turns human society - from marriage outwards - into a matter of individual inclination and choice. Marriage will cease to be an institution which reflects the necessary and natural interdependence of men and women. Every successful relationship depends on some degree of mutual dependency, but marriage is distinctive in recognising and valuing a difference that is deeper than those of character and circumstance. The man-and-woman criterion not only secures gender interdependence in marriage, it also models and promotes this gender interdependence more widely across society."

For myself, I am becoming more and more convinced that the key issue is diversity. Diversity is often (always?) given as the reason for Gay-Marriage, but I suspect that precisely the opposite is true. Traditional Christian marriage places diversity as a fundamental building block of society. Without that, diversity itself is threatened.

Marriage - Human Astronauts

(Sermon as party of a Marriage Preparation weekend)
Imagine two people strapped into a space rocket, headed for Mars in some perhaps not-so-distant day in the future. They are on a great adventure. They take with them everything they need for survival - seeds, equipment to make water, masses of oxygen sent ahead on unmanned rockets - and now they will go.
There is no coming back. Perhaps there will be no earth to come back to. Human life seems threatened by global disaster. Here is a chance to start afresh. With this couple, this married couple. Eventually, they will populate this further planet, begin a new society.
Someone has said that "marriage partners may be thoughts of as the astronauts of society" (Mike Mason, The Mystery of Marriage). Perhaps I can explore that for a while, though bearing in mind that God when he wanted to show us fullness of life came amongst us as a single man. So I could explore this from the point of view of singleness, but that is for another day.
On your wedding day: blast off. You come down the aisle. "Ten, nine, eight..." No wonder there is great excitement!
First of all, you are building your rocket. A space rocket needs to be strong. You need to be able to trust it. It must be faithful. Yesterday, we spoke about faithfulness, constancy. This featured very highly on the reasons you have chosen  to get married. You are creating safe place. A safe place where you can face each other across the breakfast table, where you can sort out the debt problems, where you can moan about rolling up the toothpaste the wrong way. It is a place where we can "spill the beans" about oneself and still be loved. Yesterday someone said that it is a place where you can "grow old together". In an uncertain world, it is a place of security, a place to face the future, death even. Single people too may have these safe places. I think of those who have been able to experience this through deep friendships. And they are equally precious. Yours is a particular vocation of faithfulness.
You have been testing the rocket. Sometimes the count down has had to be restarted. But now the launch date is in sight!
Secondly, your marriage is a very public place of celebration. At every moment yesterday it seemed, we said  "Party". Your marriage is not alone in a corner. That is why by law you have to have witnesses. Two is the minimum - and for one couple it will be 141! Your friends and family will gather on the launch pad. Underneath it all, this is because it matters to us all. Yours in the building block of the future. Yours is the smallest unit of that great thing we value so much - society. Your faithfulness secures society into the future. Around 10 years ago, I said to myself - if all Banks are as bad as the one I'm dealing with, we are in for some problems! I wish I had listened to myself. Without trust, everything breaks down. This will be put to the test in the "growing old together".
This trust and security is a safe place for your children. You are re-populating the future. You are creating a safe space-rocket for your children to grow, develop. Rest assured, they will never fully "leave home". As we gather for your wedding day, with joy and excitement we place society's well-being in your hands.
Space journeys are risky things. You never quite know what you will face - from the challenges of children not sleeping, to the teenage years, to frailty and older age. There is nowhere to hide!
On adventures we all fail. Sometimes people speak of the crisis in modern marriage. Strangely, that is the evidence for what I say. For you will face all sorts of problems on the way. These all testify to the adventure you are going on together.
You have come to the right place to begin a journey of risk. For you do not travel alone. There are not two but three in your marriage.
This place is I like to think one of those that led to the abolition of the slave trade, as William Smith came here and saw the grave of Hester Woodley. With God, nothing is impossible, and there is always forgiveness when we fail and seek to find his help to ask forgiveness, to forgive one another, and begin again.
Perhaps the best marriage preparation you can do is to determine to come here - or somewhere like it - each week, and to give time to prayer and reading the Bible regularly. As the saying does: those ho pray together, stay together.

PM's Same Sex Marriage Statement

Church of England response here

Marriage on Mothering Sunday

Jesus said, we are to be as salt, and light. So we should not be surprised when things in the world around are not as we would wish.

In India I came across Hindu 'gods' as I wandered down the street. But Christians share the good news that God is far more wonderful than any statue can suggest.

In the UK, the wider world is unsure what to do about relationships between man and woman. There is huge confusion.

Here too we have good news to share.

Down the years Jews, and building on their tradition, Christians, have discovered what we call Christian Marriage - faithful, life-long commitment between a man and a woman. This has grown out our understanding of who God is and his purposes for our lives. Indeed, Jesus went out of his way to bless such a relationship (John 2).

As we have told ourselves the stories about marriage and faithfulness (eg Genesis 1-3, and indeed much of the book, etc.) we have come to see how it expresses something of the very nature of God, how it expresses God's love for us all (Ephesians 5), how it anticipates heaven (Revelation 21:2), and how it can provide a place of security and love for children to grow up. We might say that it is a building block of society.

As with jokes, the old stories are often the best ones. So today we can continue to tell these stories to the world around. And lest it be thought that we are merely nostalgic, let us also live out the stories in the specialness of married life: the security, protection and joy of sacrificial love shared for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse…

We cannot and should not impose our will (that would be to deny the democratic freedoms that Christianity has helped forge) – but we can and should point to and live out the ways that are best, warning of the alternatives.

Deep in the heart of many, and perhaps most, around us there is a longing for the deeper spiritual values. Let us not lose our nerve. Let us share the good news, though let us do so in ways that are gracious and winsome.

And even as government loses its way, Ian Duncan Smith (Work & Pensions Secretary) has spoken of how the birth mother and father provide the best environment for children to grow up in.

Society adopted Christian marriage because it wanted to. Let us make society jealous again by the stories we tell, and the lives we live. Vive la difference!

Christian marriage is distinctive because it draws together the greatest diversity of relationship (man and woman), in the greatest sacrifice (life-long love) for the greater good of society (a foundational institutional). It is also in general the greatest place for children to be nurtured by their birth parents, and it recognises the unique role of a mother in child-rearing. That is (some of) why our language and laws should afford it a special place in society.

And let me add that those who are single have an even more wonderful calling, for their life is in the steps of Christ!

Marriage

David Cameron supports gay marriage for the UK. Thousands have signed a petition opposing his views. It has sparked a national debate. It is one that the Christian will have a view on, not because it would be forced on churches (that is not being suggested), but because a Christian's morality is based on what is best for society not just a matter of personal opinion.

Back to the main issue. Marriage is about life-long commitment. Hence why not gay marriage? It seems an open and shut case.

The problem is that marriage is not first of all about something I choose to do. It is something offered to me as a gift. It is a gift of society; it is for the Christian, and many of other faith traditions, a gift from God. Part, a key part, of that gift is the very humanity we share.

Marriage is valued as something that is valuable to society. It is a place of mutual support, it provides security for children, it is a place of education, values are secured for the future. These and other reasons are why society recognises marriage and gives it privileges above other relationships.

In short, it is a key foundation for society.

But why should we not also recognise gay marriage? After all, it can embody much of what I have outlined.

First I would want to say that whatever the rights and wrongs of gay marriage, it is different, and it is appropriate that our language and laws recognise this.

How is it different? For me the key difference lies in the complimentary of the sexes. The essential difference between male and female. This roots in nature itself 'otherness'. "Boy meets girl", woman marries man, the battle of the sexes, the environment a child grows up: at every stage the fact that others are fundamentally different is forced upon us at every angle.

The importance of this cannot be over-stressed. It is fundamental to a morality of love, I believe. Of course, gay couples can express love (sacrificial love) as much as anyone, but that morality has been transmitted by society as a whole. But we are talking about undermining the foundation of that morality.

I could argue this from the fact that God made us this way. I believe that, but it would not cut much ice in public debate. I could argue it from Man and Woman together being made in the image of God, or Christian marriage being symbolic of Christ's relationship withnthe church. Again, I believe these things, but the need is to explain, not to assert.

We have recently been following the story of Abraham in our church studies. Key insights of the story are that God is very concerned about sexual relationships (sex can either reinforce or undermine faithfulness) and that he is very concerned about our children.

Children and marriage are intimately linked and need to be so. Commitment is not enough. We are all frail. We are all made of flesh and blood. Ideally, children should be biologically related to their parents.

(In saying this, I am not undervaluing adoption etc. There are adopting parents who give greater love than good biological parents.)

But the biology of parenthood enables a physical bonding that is not otherwise possible. 'Blood is thicker than water'.

This all emphasises that there is something very special when a couple decide to have children and bring them up together. This is what the name 'marriage' recognises. We change it at our peril.